metamorphosis

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.

Attention, ce texte est à déconseiller aux personnes sensibles.

La Colonie Pénitentiaire 

Before the Law

Before the law sits a gatekeeper. To this gatekeeper comes a man from the country who asks to gain entry into the law. But the gatekeeper says that he cannot grant him entry at the moment. The man thinks about it and then asks if he will be allowed to come in later on. “It is possible,” says the gatekeeper, “but not now.” At the moment the gate to the law stands open, as always, and the gatekeeper walks to the side, so the man bends over in order to see through the gate into the inside. When the gatekeeper notices that, he laughs and says: “If it tempts you so much, try it in spite of my prohibition. But take note: I am powerful. And I am only the most lowly gatekeeper. But from room to room stand gatekeepers, each more powerful than the other. I can’t endure even one glimpse of the third.” The man from the country has not expected such difficulties: the law should always be accessible for everyone, he thinks, but as he now looks more closely at the gatekeeper in his fur coat, at his large pointed nose and his long, thin, black Tartar’s beard, he decides that it would be better to wait until he gets permission to go inside. The gatekeeper gives him a stool and allows him to sit down at the side in front of the gate. There he sits for days and years. He makes many attempts to be let in, and he wears the gatekeeper out with his requests. The gatekeeper often interrogates him briefly, questioning him about his homeland and many other things, but they are indifferent questions, the kind great men put, and at the end he always tells him once more that he cannot let him inside yet. The man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, spends everything, no matter how valuable, to win over the gatekeeper. The latter takes it all but, as he does so, says, “I am taking this only so that you do not think you have failed to do anything.” During the many years the man observes the gatekeeper almost continuously. He forgets the other gatekeepers, and this one seems to him the only obstacle for entry into the law. He curses the unlucky circumstance, in the first years thoughtlessly and out loud, later, as he grows old, he still mumbles to himself. He becomes childish and, since in the long years studying the gatekeeper he has come to know the fleas in his fur collar, he even asks the fleas to help him persuade the gatekeeper. Finally his eyesight grows weak, and he does not know whether things are really darker around him or whether his eyes are merely deceiving him. But he recognizes now in the darkness an illumination which breaks inextinguishably out of the gateway to the law. Now he no longer has much time to live. Before his death he gathers in his head all his experiences of the entire time up into one question which he has not yet put to the gatekeeper. He waves to him, since he can no longer lift up his stiffening body. The gatekeeper has to bend way down to him, for the great difference has changed things to the disadvantage of the man. “What do you still want to know, then?” asks the gatekeeper. “You are insatiable.” “Everyone strives after the law,” says the man, “so how is that in these many years no one except me has requested entry?” The gatekeeper sees that the man is already dying and, in order to reach his diminishing sense of hearing, he shouts at him, “Here no one else can gain entry, since this entrance was assigned only to you. I’m going now to close it.

ø

“1 July. Too tired.”

—	Franz Kafka, Diaries

fear and loathing inner and outer

dark and deep

i need some sleep

procesul castelului sau invers

am inceput sa citesc Metamorfoza, iar

periodic, in momentele de anxietate, revin la el ca la un catalizator nesesar, accelerator de stari greu definible dar interesate

acu 10 ani gaseam ca-i sumbru si-i labirintic si-i prezicator al alienarii noastre generale

acu gasesc ca-i adevarat, integru, coerent si, cel mai important, autentic

gasesc in el vocile din capetele tuturor, adunate intr-un cor violent

in capul meu, vocile sunt salbatice

atunci cand le citesc din Kafka - toate tac

e un exercitiu similar cu meditatia doar ca, spre deosebire de linistea interioara produsa de Shavasana, Kafka contureaza demonii si, probabil gratie acestui fapt, exorcizeaza   

cam asta am avut a spune despre el azi

va urma, cu siguranta

ps. am gasit un film despre viata lui, pare bunicel, must see

pps. A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die. ~Franz Kafka

Franz Kafka - Metamorfoza

Într-o bună dimineaţă, când Gregor Samsa se trezi în patul lui, după o noapte de vise zbuciumate, se pomeni metamorfozat într-­o gânganie înspăimântătoare. 

cum tre sa fie asta - trezirea post-metamorfoza?

cum tre sa se fi simtit Gregor descoperind ca tot ce credea ca poseda, stie, este i-a fost rapit, modificat, transformat in ceva ce nu cunoaste, nu poate controla sau intelege?

cum te simti atunci cand te culci tu si te trezesti non-tu?

cum e traita dualitatea asta dintre imaginea pe care o aveai despre tine si imaginea noua despre tine, schimbata fortat?

cum faci cand nu mai stii cine esti, nu mai ai repere despre ce credeai sau stiai ca esti si cum treci peste asta, cum accepti schimbarea ta? o accepti oare sau mereu vrei sa revii la zona precedenta de confort?

si daca accepti omul asta nou care ai devenit, este oare asta renuntarea la cine ai fost si, devenire a cineva nou in mod cumva fortat sau este o metamorfoza naturala?

si cand te trezesti dimineata, nu esti oamer mereu Gregor Samsa, o ganganie inspaimantatoare pentru tine si pentru ceilalti?

dublu, eternul si minunatul dublu din fiecare din noi

gangania inspaimantatoare pe care tre sa invatam s-o iubim dar care ne provoaca scarba

cum traim cu ea?

textul in engleza aici

varianta audio a cartii:

ps. I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy. ~Franz Kafka

not me Franz, I need happiness to be able to breath and right now I can't breath

Minuscule

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. ~Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

Franz Kafka - A Guest of the Dead

o mica lectură morbidă pentru o după-amiază însorită ca asta :)
enjoy